This has been an easy blog to write (because I've done most of the writing already) but a VERY hard blog to share (because its content is raw and negative and it exposes how I REALLY felt when I first became a mum... which may come as a shock for anyone who knows me).
I found these two pieces of paper in an old notebook my son had stumbled across and was drawing in... boy did it bring back memories. I remember as clear as day the moment I decided to sit down on my sofa in an exhausted heap and write down how I was feeling. A friend suggested I do it. I think her intention was to prove to me the way I was feeling was very normal and help make me realise, every mum felt that way. Her intentions were good... the outcome wasn't.
Or was it?
When someone read this list they helped me realise, actually the way I was feeling wasn't entirely 'normal' and there were plenty of mums around who, despite feeling overwhelmed and tired, didn't feel the things I was feeling. My first red flag telling me something was wrong (and the start of recovery, perhaps?).
Anyway... a short blog this month as like I said, the writing has already been done. Read the list I made... if nothing else, it will give you an insight into the mind of a mum suffering from postnatal depression.